Rated M
"There's...there's blood on the walls. Help us! Help us!"
This article contains mature content and is thereby considered suitable for ages 17+. This article may involve some level of sexuality, violence, serious language or ideological issues. Read at your own risk.

This page is a list of superpower ideas thought up by Somarinoa, purposefully intended as the worst superpowers ever. Currently, existent Bladderback characters are not listed here, instead considered to be the "most disgusting superpowers ever". None of these powers have been associated with characters as of yet, but as they do get associated with one (and they all are intended to eventually get connected to some ridiculous character), links will be provided.

All listed powers will be given short descriptions for the reader's better understanding of what is being described. Powers will also be listed in order of creation. This is an ongoing list and may be periodically updated.

Reconstitute LightbulbEdit

Greatest Use: Save money on buying new lightbulbs

The wielder is able to concentrate to 'fix' a lightbulb, whether it has shattered or has simply burnt out.

Manipulate CurlingEdit

Greatest Use: Gambling at the Winter Olympics

The wielder is able to manipulate the sport of curling, able to slightly alter the course the polished stone will move through intense concentration. This ability affects no other condition or sport, including the related sports of bowls, boules and shuffleboard.


Greatest Use: Losing friends?

The wielder can cast flatulence-based magic, but must be farting at the time to use the ability. The wielder cannot control when they will fart any more than an average Human can.

Locate FecesEdit

Greatest Use: Scooping dog poop with ease, avoiding stepping in poop

The wielder has the uncanny ability to sense where feces is. This is not limited to specific species and all feces locations are known to the wielder, whether it be elephant or dog or human or dust mite.

Emit Radiation (No Immunity)Edit

Greatest Use: Dying

The wielder is able to emit a powerful burst of radiation; however, they themselves are not immune to the radioactive isotopes and will suffer from radiation poisoning just as much, if not more so, than those who were around them.

Brown Noise (No Immunity)Edit

Greatest Use: Overcoming constipation

The wielder is able to emit the brown noise, which causes all those within hearing range to immediately and violently to vacate their bowels with tremendous force; however, they themselves are not immune to the brown noise and will suffer squishy pants just as much, if not more so, than those who were around them.

Manipulate ShoelaceEdit

Greatest Use: Tying (or untying) shoelaces without effort

The wielder is able to manipulate any and all shoelaces in their general vicinity, allowing them to both tie and untie shoelaces with relative ease and without needing to bend down to do so. Shoelaces are unable to do anything a shoelace couldn't regularly do and therefore the power is typically bound towards tying shoes specifically. This power does not extend to similar shoe designs such as Velcro.

Sole TastebudsEdit

Greatest Use: Making old-fashioned wine

The wielder has tastebuds on the soles of their feet and will taste anything and everything their feet are touching, whether it be dirt, socks, shoes, feces, et cetera. The wielder has no control over these and the tastebuds cannot be turned off at will.

State Capital MasteryEdit

Greatest Use: Passing a 4th Grade geography test

The wielder has mastery over the names of all 50 state capitals, and cannot get the names wrong for any reason.

Attract Horny BearsEdit

Greatest Use: Rapey zoophilia?

The wielder can summon a pack of extremely horny bears, indigenous to the region they are in. These bears are always known to be particularly rapey, but instead of immediately going for the wielder's foes, will focus on the wielder themselves.

No Belch GuzzlingEdit

Greatest Use: Rapidly consume drinks in relative silence

The wielder can rapidly guzzle drinks down and will never have to worry about burping afterwards.

Frostbite FormEdit

Greatest Use: Losing unwanted digits

The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form only gives them instantaneous frostbite and no extra abilities or attributes. Frostbite is bad enough to require amputations.

Hypothermic FormEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form only gives them instantaneous hypothermia and no extra abilities or attributes. The user can be saved if warming techniques are immediately undertaken.


Greatest Use: Finding your way about a freezing, dark cavern

The wielder is able to use a new sense to find their way around in a similar manner to echolocation; unfortunately, they must be shivering and therefore freezing in order to use it.

Acidic Sweat (No Immunity)Edit

Greatest Use: Melting into a puddle of fleshy goo

The wielder, when sweating under any conditions, excretes powerful acids instead of actual sweat, which can melt through various materials. Unfortunately, this includes the user's own flesh and bone as the wielder themselves is not immune to the acid, either.

Immunity to PaperEdit

Greatest Use: Collating safely

The wielder is completely immune to paper, and therefore can never receive paper cuts.

Immunity to LecturesEdit

Greatest Use: Going to college

The wielder is completely immune to lectures, and therefore will not fall asleep during them.

Shed GenitalsEdit

Greatest Use: Surviving prison?

The wielder will shed their genitals during stressful situations ala a gecko sheds its tail. This process is painful and it takes time to regenerate the lost parts. Lost parts will flop around to confuse foes or potential predators.

Detect DustEdit

Yep, there's dust here.
Wielder of Detect Dust

Greatest Use: Being a neat freak

The wielder can immediately detect dust. This power serves no other purpose than to let the user know that there is, in fact, dust in a given area.

Self TurbulenceEdit

Greatest Use: Pretending you are on an airplane

The wielder will experience at random intervals a sort of "self turbulence", where they jolt up and down wherever they happen to be semi-violently, just as if they were experiencing turbulence while riding in a commercial airliner.

Invincible AppendixEdit

Greatest Use: Not being Madeline

The wielder has an invincible appendix, and cannot suffer from such problems as appendicitis.

Grammar MasteryEdit

Greatest Use: Being an English teacher

The wielder knows the ins and outs of their language's grammar, and will not ever get it wrong.


Greatest Use: Writing stories

The wielder has a mastery of the English language and can easily swap out any word for bigger, fancier words in any and all sentences they speak.

Raw Hamburger SkinEdit

Greatest Use: Horrible suicide at McDonalds

The wielder's skin is permanently converted into raw hamburger. Nerve endings still exist. This transformation is excruciating and, most likely, delicious.

Stick to FloorEdit

Greatest Use: Walking

The wielder sticks to the floor like Spider-Man can stick to walls and ceilings. If gravity ever stopped existing, they would be safer than regular people.

Pi MasteryEdit

Greatest Use: Getting beat up in school

The wielder has a complete mastery of pi, and knows the sequence all the way through, in all of its forms.

Picklock BonerEdit

Greatest Use: Getting arrested

The wielder is able to pick locks without extra picklocking tools, but must do so with their own male genitalia, and only when sufficiently aroused.

Power PeriodEdit

Greatest Use: Being incredibly gross

The wielder is able to fire a powerful, eradicating "blood beam" from their own female genitalia, but only while experiencing their premenstrual syndrome. Cramps are equally ramped up, as well.

Taste SewersEdit

Greatest Use: Throwing up

The wielder will taste any sewers within a certain radius of themselves, whether they would normally be able to do so or not. This allows the wielder to know a sewer exists in the area. The taste is exactly as a sewer would be expected to taste like.

Immunity to SneezesEdit

Greatest Use: Working in a dusty area

The wielder is immune to the effects of sneezing, and will not sneeze under any circumstances. Instances where this would be bad still apply.

Pepper SneezesEdit

Greatest Use: Alienating yourself

The wielder, when sneezing, will sneeze out fine, dusty pepper on any and all occasions. This pepper hovers around the nose and if inhaled again, will lead to another sneeze, which will release more pepper. The pepper cloud is cumulative and can get fairly large if the wielder cannot stop sneezing.

Exploding HeadEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

The wielder can cause their head to explode by sheer force of will. There is no immunity to this power's effect and the user will immediately perish. Head explosion has no abnormal attributes such as concussive force or anything and will generally only directly affect the wielder.

Exploding GenitalsEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

The wielder can cause their own genitals to explode by sheer force of will. There is no immunity to this power's effect and the user will be in excruciating agony afterwards. There is no regenerative abilities attached to this power, nor is their any other abnormal attributes such as concussive force, and therefore will generally only directly affect the wielder, unless perhaps if performed during coitus.

Consume Loved OnesEdit

Greatest Use: Causing tragedy

The wielder has the uncanny ability to heal their own wounds, but must do so by completely devouring a loved one. The more they love and care for an individual the better healing it will do to them. The wielder does not suffer from any form of emotional detachment during this and will typically be horribly traumatized every time they must perform this task. The con to this power is that their body will not regenerate even the slightest wound on its own, even a paper cut, without the consumption of a loved one.

The wielder does not have any special attributes to make consuming a loved one any easier, but must do so while they are raw and the procedure must be initiated while the victim is alive.

Fetus FormEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form is fetal in nature and they therefore revert to their fetal selves. As a fetus they require everything a fetus normally requires and since they are no longer attached to their mother via the umbilical cord, they will quickly starve to death, if the exposure to the elements does not get to them first.

Rape SelfEdit

Greatest Use: Cure for loneliness?

The wielder is able to sexually assault themselves. Wielder must be unwilling for the event to occur for the power to take affect. All other problems associated with a rape still apply.

Attract TurdsEdit

Greatest Use: Starring in German pornography

The wielder will, at all times, slowly attract feces to themselves as if pulled by a large magnet. The user can keep moving to escape the feces but the feces will never stop being attracted towards them.

Super GullibilityEdit

Greatest Use: Superb deniability

The wielder will completely believe any and every single thing said to them, ever. No matter what.

Balsa Wood FormEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form is made out of balsa wood and has the attributes of said wood, including its notorious brittleness.

Conjure FearsEdit

Greatest Use: Having daymares

The wielder can conjure fears, but only their own and only targeting themselves.

Inhibited Gag ReflexEdit

Greatest Use:


Greatest Use: Dying and/or getting that attractive lifeguard to kiss you

Gluten ResistanceEdit

Greatest Use:

Understand SpongesEdit

Greatest Use:

Memory Foam SkinEdit

Greatest Use:

Superhuman HindsightEdit

Greatest Use: Sounding intelligent

Glass BrainEdit

Greatest Use: Dying


Greatest Use:

Self CharmEdit

Greatest Use:


Greatest Use: Impressing 3rd Graders

The user can belch the entire alphabet in a single burp.

Feign AliveEdit

Greatest Use: Starring in Weekend At Bernie's 3

The user can pretend to be alive. This only works when the user is actually clinically dead.

Invincible ToenailsEdit

Greatest Use:

Ultra PariahEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

Rectum of HoldingEdit

Greatest Use:

Battle SpineEdit

Greatest Use:

Chameleonic PubesEdit

Greatest Use:

STD MagnetEdit

Greatest Use:

Foghorn FartEdit

Greatest Use:

Fire FingernailsEdit

Greatest Use:

Chameleonic Cancer CellsEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

Trees for EyesEdit

Greatest Use:

Super CornrowsEdit

Greatest Use: Looking like a total douche

Understand IdiotEdit

Greatest Use:

Tiny PoopsEdit

Greatest Use:

Bad TasteEdit

Greatest Use:

Ultra PariahEdit

Greatest Use: Dying

Retractable Bone SpursEdit

Greatest Use:

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