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"There's...there's blood on the walls. Help us! Help us!"
This article contains mature content and is thereby considered suitable for ages 17+. This article may involve some level of sexuality, violence, serious language or ideological issues. Read at your own risk.

Moonbeast Comics was a comic drawn by Somarinoa, started in 1999 as an extension to several images drawn and flung back and forth between him and a friend from school while watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 from their own respective houses but while in front of their computers, drawing images to make fun of something going on in the show. The three episodes that were done in this fashion before Sci-Fi Channel took MST3K off the air were Quest of the Delta Knights, Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders and Track of the Moon Beast, in that order. When it was realized that no more MST3K would be airing, Somarinoa chose to continue the versions of his version of the characters Tee, Merlin and The Moon Beast in a comic fashion, featuring six panels each strip. Like the later Dead Flies comic, Moonbeast Comics was intended to become a weekly webcomic, although it fell into production Hell when Somarinoa failed to draw Moonbeast sitting in a chair correctly. That one image alone killed the comic, leaving it at only 6 strips (with the last one going unfinished), less than half than the following series, Dead Flies.

It was intended to follow several very odd and seemingly random story arc cycles throughout its intended run, and was meant to be "as offensive to as many types of people as possible", essentially shocking everybody over its run in a manner not unlike the former webcomic Mall Monkeys (which has since died and seemingly been taken down from every available location as, whereas Moonbeast Comics is simply ideologically sensitive and crude, Mall Monkeys very often used racist jokes).

Characters known to appear in the comicsEdit

Recurring charactersEdit

  • Moonbeast: Born Paul Carlson, the "creature" who would "become" the Moonbeast was struck in the head by a falling meteorite, which did little damage to him but left him fascinating the wild idea that he had been infected with some sort of viral alien lycanthropy that would turn him into a "Moonbeast" every full moon. In truth, he simply hastily constructed a very shoddy costume that barely seemed to represent a lizard monster with huge googly eyes, and caused chaos. Eventually, the zipper on his costume got stuck on a piece of cloth and he took it as a sign that he had completely converted into the monster. At this point he abandoned his vapid girlfriend-at-the-time Kathy Nolan and moved to the big island of Hawai'i, where he immediately started up a private eye business. T is his assistant, although he isn't certain whether T happens to be a boy or a girl. His delusion are generally what lead the plot but also lead it astray.
He eventually met a little, long-haired blond(e) child who he attempted to use a Moonbeast Attack on, only to receive a swift spitwad to the eye. Surprised that the object stopped his attack and decided to call off that attack, Moonbeast lazily threatening to return later to "finish the job and eat weasels or something equally sinister-sounding". However, the spitwad would quickly lead to Moonbeast contracting mono of the eye, and he was bedridden for some weeks. Believing the fates (specifically the ones named Neopoliteon Bunsapart, Julius Kaiserroll and The Cheese Danish Prime Minister, three transgendered food deities who rode the dreaded Cornbeef Hash Pizza Chariot of the Stars 'n Turds 'n Things, all the while dispensing very wise prose for a group of entities with a combined I.Q. of 30). Although their advice really had nothing to do with anything, Moonbeast took it out of context and assumed they were meaning to tell him that the boy was his saving grace and eventual cure of his horrible "Moonbeast Disease, I Guess". Using the superior detective sleuthing skills of his meteorologist brain, Moonbeast eventually stumbled into T again completely on accident and hired him on the spot. The kid has since then worked as Moonbeast's errand boy and the gumshoe to his private eye. Even so, he has no idea whether this kid is a boy or a girl.
  • T: Born Travis Deltanite, T is a young, long blond-haired boy who accidentally bumped into Moonbeast and "quelled his ferocious fury thing" with a spitwad to the eye. He stood his ground and Moonbeast eventually stumbled off, to which T shrugged and continued on his way. Several weeks later the two ran into one another again, only this time Moonbeast informed him that he was hired for his "all inclusive package private eye business venture". Seeing an opportunity to make some money to send to his master, who had informed him that he was destined to save the world but he must first save the master from his credit debt first, he willingly accepted, although he was a little let down when he discovered that "all inclusive" meant "free pass to the bathroom down the hall and to the left in the other guys' office 3 times a day". With another spitwad threat though he managed to get himself a deal involving an unlimited amount of paper with which to form spitwads out of all day (as he was training his skills to one day save the world).
  • Captain Merlin Eggbeard: Both a wizard and a chief of police, equally aloof in both occupations, Captain Eggbeard hunts down Moonbeast using both his mediocre police work and pointless magical prowess, remaining lukewarm on his trail. As it turns out, Eggbeard isn't after Moonbeast for the "rash of sort of murders" (referred to at the station more along the lines of "rash of confused thrashings that more or less knocked people around a little.") but instead believes that Moonbeast is somehow in possession of a mystical toy cymbal monkey that his irate with the Tooth Fairy keeps insisting he gets back to their Shop of Mystical Wonders "before it's too late". Although he encounters T on numerous occasions, he seems completely oblivious that the kid is there at all.
  • Kathy Nolan: Paul Carlson's vapid ex-girlfriend. She occasionally shows up out of nowhere for barely any reason at all outside of feeling some fated pulling towards locations to deliver bad one liners (she intends to come off sounding very eloquent and intelligent but sort of stumbles over the moment, whether she has been rehearsing or not). She reacts as if she is on camera acting, and she is a very poor actress at best. She is well known for her long pauses that take up a number of panels before she finally gets around to saying her one line response. Then she goes home feeling stupid and drinks herself into a depressed and frustrated coma.
  • "The Tourists and the Monk": Three people on Hawai'i who keep, by no fault of their own, encountering Moonbeast and witnessing the horrific acts that follow him around.

Arc-specific charactersEdit

  • Pele: The "beautiful" goddess of fire, Pele is in truth a massive, AKIRA-esque, pulsating muscular blob of meaty flesh complete with tentacles and an aged, balding Hitler's warm face. She lives within a lake of magma and considers herself a benevolent host, although she has a creepy penchant for sexual deviancy.
  • The Fates: A trimvirate of transgendered food deities who all "car"pool aboard the Cornbeef Hash Pizza Chariot of Stars 'n Turds 'n Things. The trio consist of Neopoliteon Bunsapart, a French-personality ice cream buttocks; Julius Kaiserroll, a Roman-personality breaded tumbler; and The Cheese Danish Prime Minister, who is just a regular cheese danish that the other two picked up at a Denny's one time as a special order but neither got around to actually eating because Julius had terrible acid reflux and Neopoliteon was fond of sticking his hand in his coat pocket, but this meant that his hand smelled like poo, which he found very unappetizing. The three of them appeared to Moonbeast to inform him about a special half-off sale at his favorite store, International House of Creeps (originally intended to be named the International House of Crepes but a shoddy alignment guy made a boo-boo when putting it up), but he took everything they said out of context and converted it somehow into being about him hiring T. They have a combined I.Q. of 30.
  • The Manos Guy: Born Themadore Quellington Steringwell III, often nicknamed "The Master" by his creepy, probably demonic dog and his imaginary bullies, and insisting that his assistant Torgo refer to him as such although Torgo constantly forgets him and just refers to him instead as "The Manos Guy", he tried to take up Neo Wiccan beliefs but was actually fairly illiterate so just assumed that the book told him to start a polygamist pagan cult worshiping the god "Manos". He eventually comes to suspect that Moonbeast is catching on to his cultish world after the two cross paths in a grocery store and catch one another's eye, and he sends Torgo out to deal with the nuisance.
  • Torgo: A satyr that sort of tries to stop Moonbeast from investigating his boss, The Manos Guy, even though Moonbeast has no idea who The Manos Guy even is. He constantly screams his own theme song due to being diagnosed with Musical Tourettes. Nobody likes him, including himself. He is extremely slow due to large growths on his kneecaps, which turn out to be a sort of mutagenic cancerous cyst/boob/eye combination. Moonbeast eventually pretends he died in the bathroom at a local Slow-E-Mart while reading a Hustler magazine (which he purchased and simply threw in with Torgo). Because Torgo tries to debate his having died, Moonbeast locks him in the bathroom and leaves him to his screamy, sing-songy fate.
  • Rose Primthorn: A sylph that Moonbeast eventually encounters. When in the Garden of Greeden for no reason other than he had been looking for a bathroom, he comes across what he considers to be a beautiful rose and attempts to pick it, only to find himself "pricked" (in truth it simply leaves a small hole in his costume with a tiny amount of fluff poking out) and with Primthorn revealing herself immediately afterwards and chastising him for trying to pick a flower within the Garden, he believes himself to have contracted "sylphilus". This gives Primthorn bad press and she is kicked out of the Garden for being a promiscuous trollop and she, in anger and frustration, goes after Moonbeast for her version of revenge.

The stripsEdit

Moonbeast Comics 1

Episode 1

Moonbeast Comics 2

Episode 2

Moonbeast Comics 3

Episode 3

Moonbeast Comics 4

Episode 4

Moonbeast Comics 5

Episode 5

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